On trust

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

It is a little bit difficult for me to write this week. I can't really tell why but I guess it has something to do with the lesson I am learning at the moment. It is very intimate, personal, and hard to put in words. I am learning to trust, to accept the unknown, being content with one step when I would like to see the whole staircase.

As hard as it is to trust, there is one great thing about it. Trust is the source of inner peace. And the inner peace is knowing that no matter what is being seen, felt of experienced at the moment, there is a greater force working behind the scenes. The force working on your behalf, working for you.

We are always given all that we need, nothing more and nothing less. Our part in the deal is to do as much as we can with it. Sure, it is easy when the things go well but we need to pay just as much attention and love to the moments that challenge us.

I had one of those nights this week when I woke up before dawn again and couldn't go back to sleep. I got up, sitting in the darkness and breathing in the crispy morning air that was coming in through the open door. And there it was again. It had happened a couple of times before, the words started to fill my mind randomly and I couldn't help but take a pen and paper to jot them down. I found myself writing about trust!

Trust is taking a brick that fell on your toe and building a house from it. When together their existence makes sense but you decide to see it in every single one as well.

And you see your walls now in the colours of your experiences!

Many, including myself, talk about breaking down the walls of separation but this week I looked at those same walls from a different perspective. Just like with everything else, the intention is the key.

We can build the walls to protect ourselves, hide behind them, or we can build a shelter, a lighthouse for others. 

The shift happens when you trust that your current experience/situation is all that you need today to be able to move forward tomorrow.

Trust is not easy at all. In fact, it is more difficult for me than anything else. However, it helps me see the world more connected, life less disappointing, and hardships more meaningful. And don't let others tell you it is just a passive acceptance of what is. It actually sharpens your senses, makes you feel more alive, and teaches you about gratitude like nothing else I can think of.

I learn to trust again and just a thought of it fills me with peace and joy at the same time.

"Trust is to human relationships what faith is to gospel living. It is the beginning place, the foundation upon which more can be built. Where trust is, love can flourish. " Barbara Smith

On Courage

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." T.S.Eliot

We had summer solstice this week and in old traditions it basically means the time of year when the energies peak, the light is revealed and strongest, and our own strength cumulates.

As a woman, I could compare it to ovulation. Ovulation is the phase of the cycle when hormones, energy, confidence reach the top and make it possible to create a new life. All is aligned in favor of creation. Summer solstice then, is the time when we may feel and experience a similar strength, energy  or courage to take a leap of faith, step into unknown, go beyond our own limitations. Somehow we are better equipped around that time and fueled by the light, we don't focus on the dark side of the issue as much as we tend when the light is scarce.

Such was the week I experienced, the week when I did and said things I didn't even think I could.

 

Courage is a common denominator of any change.

It is a little shift in the way you do things, a slightly different approach or just an impression that you follow through. Courage is not a big, elaborate expression. At least not in my experience. It was always that one little act or thought that gave birth to something great much later.

Look at it not as a drop in the ocean but rather as a spark in a haystack! 

Long time ago I heard one theory and this week I heard it again from my friend. If you feel an urge to do something, an inspiration, impulse, you have to act on it within 20 seconds or so. You have to do anything to "materialize" it otherwise the spark dies out. 

If you feel like helping the person in front of you, do it. And if you don't know how, just ask if there is anything you can do for them. 

If you see a piece of rubbish on the ground and the feelings of uneasiness or compassion for the world we live in rise up, pick it up and throw it into the bin yourself. 

If you like the guy sitting next to you on the bus, smile or just compliment his shoes. :-)

Do any little thing you can at the moment of "inception". Don't analyze it beforehand.

That little spark is the courage that may ignite something greater. 

"Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point." C.S.Lewis

And so to share with you a little bit of my own experience this week, en-couraged by the light that came with the solstice, here is where it took me.

I was able to say I was lonely to a friend (I actually never said that out loud before and now I am even sharing it with the world).

I was curious to play with miracles (and I found out that the less attached you are to the result, the faster they manifest in your life. And they did!)

I asked for guidance and mentoring and expressed my desire to learn more in the field (and I mean I literally said to the person "please, teach me!").

I asked for a help.

I approached a person who might teach me about love (a person I never met or talked to before - that's actually the top of my courage this week, especially since love is the thing that can make me vulnerable again).

This is the spark that does not necessarily make sense in the beginning. The spark that might be difficult to be expressed. But if you play with it, direct it by acting upon it, you may experience incredible things and maybe save yourself from a fire that would burn you otherwise in some other way.

Try the 20-second theory this week and see how it makes you feel or where it takes you.

Courage used to be a virtue. Now it seems to be something long forgotten. We forget a piece of it every time we fail to notice our own beating heart.

The word courage comes from old Latin word cor which means heart, the seat of emotions and life. For me, courage is taking a step forward despite the risk of losing something. As you take that step, you most likely lose a piece of your ego in return for your heart - a living beating heart. Here is to the fullness of the life we long for!

                                                                                                                              Camino Called Life

On failing

"We grow and leave the places we call homes. And then, we try to recreate those places from our memories and experiences, hoping to make it work for us again. I thought I had it. I had worked hard on making it work and looked for all the ingredients necessary. Yet I had failed without understanding why, and I kept failing." Camino Called Life

This week I could add "and I keep failing again".

There are easy weeks when everything seems to flow effortlessly and then there are weeks when you can't find a way to make it work, to move forward when things didn't work out, to get into grips with the purpose and meaning of it all.

Everything around me is changing. People move on, start new businesses or have babies and I was somehow forced to realize (maybe more than ever) that despite the wonderful dreams and goals I have for my life, despite the never-ceasing pursue of my calling, despite being fully aware and proud of the journey I started three years ago, despite it all, there are times when I feel empty, lost or alone.

I got to the point in my life when I wouldn't be able to put aside what I have learned. And at the same time, I see that is not enough, that is not the end. There is still more to learn and lots to build.

Whatever you learn, especially that which you learn through pain and failure, is a part of your appointment! It is then when you start to see oneness instead of separation, and when love outgrows fear.

Finally, I need to stop punishing myself for the mistakes I did in the past because I didn't know better, for the times I hurt those I love with the decisions I had to make, for the love I couldn't give because I didn't have it myself. I won't be able to move on unIess I start receiving, with love! That's it; receive with love!

What if the mistakes, the failures, the obstacles are blessings in disguise? What if they are even more than that? What if they are the key to unlocking your full potential, letting the perfect Divine break through the imperfect form? 

"God turns the mess in our lives to our message!" Joel Osteen

Yes, this week, I temporarily lost the land from my sight, I was left swimming in cold waters for life, alone, helpless. But you know what? Deep down, the spark, the flame didn't die out and that made all the difference. That's the light we don't chose to get, that's the appointment we receive to bear the fruits that will last, and it will get us through it all if we don't ignore it. And it will get us through better off than we were before.

Receive the experiences, the failures, the LOVE this world offers you along the way! 

"The Soul within our individual souls loves the one who runs and falls down more than the one who sits and watches." Rumi

On playfulness

Playfulness is dangerous!

There is always a danger of something coming out of it. But what a wonderful thing it is, isn't it?!

What I mean to write about this week is attitude rather than behavior as such. Playfulness and lightness in the heart and mind. A couple of weeks ago, I followed the nudge, trusted my intuition and acted upon the promise of joy. Circumstances haven't changed but I have!

"A grownup is a child with layers on." ~Woody Harrelson

So let me share some of my observations and discoveries on playfulness. 

It is the foundation of all creation. Actually, we can create based on what is not coming from our heart but do we really want that? I see playfulness as a gateway to our hearts or a gatekeeper we need to befriend before we enter. And then, once we get inside, everything we ever wished for or imagined (im)possible is there.

I got that part quickly. I understood the importance of such attitude. However, something was missing when I tried to apply it in my life. 

And this week, I finally found out what it was that I overlooked. 

1. Playfulness reminds us of our own potential - playfulness is like a seed planted in the soil of curiosity. Love and action are essential for it to grow. Imagine yourself for a moment, how do you act when you get curious about something? What is your attitude about it? For me, love is central at that point as well as an active participation from my side to find out more, to indulge more in it, to experience it fully. To cultivate your playfulness, whatever it is you have to do today, invite love in your attitude. Or, whatever it is you feel love for now, show your participation somehow.

2. Playfulness restores the balance - the previous point on love and  action sort of says it all but let me add something to it. Over a year ago, I became really passionate and curious about reclaiming my femininity. I read everything I found on the topic, talked to other women on the same path, practiced my own rituals until that sleeping beauty within me finally woke up. What a long and strange journey it's been! And then, suddenly, as the initial excitement faded away and I became accustomed to that "new" part of myself, all kinds of sad and melancholic feelings emerged. No one had warned me that feeling this way is just  another side of feminine principle. Yes, being truly feminine comes with a certain amount of passivity, melancholy, sensitivity and even sadness at times. 

In my pursuit of sacred feminine, I completely neglected masculine principle. The principle which manifests as action, fire, enthusiasm. If feminine is all that stands for love, then masculine is here to teach us about the action. And we certainly need them both to live the life fully.

As for women, embracing masculine does not necessarily mean acting like a man. Let me give you an example I found very useful to understand it better. Look at the women of Bible! There is Mary and Mary. And they are both very close to Jesus. One is a mother, madonna, virgin. The other one is all but saint in the eyes of society. She is loud, active, in the front. Every woman is partly madonna and partly dancer! Living from heart, however, we can restore the balance within; bring forth the best of both.

Where are you on this scale? Are you comfortable enough to take from both? 

3. Playfulness itself is a lesson - the last thing I would like to say about playfulness is that being playful in your attitude, approach, or even while examining the experience you earn throughout the life is the lesson itself. Playfulness should never be attached to results! It is this "condition" that gives it its freedom and power at the same time. Expecting an outcome after being playful robs us of the opportunity to learn the life lesson beyond anything we could ever expect in the first place. It is not about keeping a happy face at all times. It is, however, about the smile/spark/spirit we carry inside, in good times and in bad times, that reminds us who we are and why we are here. Love.

Is there a smile in your heart now?  A smile that maybe spreads even across your face gently? I thought it could! 

On healing

"To heal, we need to open the wounds, clean the wounds, use some medicine, and keep the wounds clean until they heal." Don Miguel Ruiz

It is not that we can heal ourselves but rather that we are willing to accept the healing.

It is also true that healing is, in its essence, coming back to oneself and oneness. These two are of the same nature after all, love and light.

And let me tell you, once you find the light within, nothing will be able to hide it again, not even you, because the force behind it is stronger than anything else.

As strange as it may sound, it is the person who needs healing that does not allow it to happen most of the time. 

The Course in miracles teaches us that the process of healing can be so painful that we tend to give it up too soon or even avoid it. We need courage to accept healing and we need to surrender to whatever it takes in order to be healed. But we need to approach healing conscious and awake!

"The truth is like a scalpel because it is painful to open our wounds and uncover all of the lies....there is no other way but forgiveness to clean the wounds of all the poison...there is no other medicine but unconditional love. That is the healing. Three simple points: the truth, forgiveness and love." Don Miguel Ruiz

Marianne Williamson writes in her book A Return to Love that even if we offer the "problem" to God and by doing so allow the healing, He can't bring light into that which we keep hiding. 

The truth, forgiveness, and love! You start with yourself and then you will be given as many teachers/partners/encounters as you need to be healed. We came to live on the planet with other human beings, living beings and the living world itself. We came to place and time that is most beneficial for us and for others as well. We came here to fulfill the purpose with the tools we have, not with what we need to acquire. We just need to remember that. We need to heal ourselves first in order to heal others. 

And this is the ultimate purpose - healing for everyone, coming back to the Source after the separation long time ago, understanding that we have been One all the time.

Your partner, parents, kids, friends, they are all here to heal you, treat them accordingly! And don't judge them just because it hurts sometimes. Maybe they are just opening another wound of yours. And you may be just opening the space for miracles.