On dreams

"Where love is deep, much can be accomplished."  Shinichi Suzuki

When was the last time you had a dream? A dream that, no matter how small or big, came true. A dream that is now a part of your reality or a living piece of your memory.

The dreams we dream while we are awake! The dreams that direct our lives and provide fulfillment when they are born, long before they come true! This is important! A dream becomes a miracle the moment it is born, its manifestation is then just a matter of love (and freedom) we give it.

I wondered why there is the same word describing something we experience uncounsciously during our sleep and a desire, longing, calling of our soul that is very present in our lives whether we sleep or not. I still wonder and I still don't have an answer but it seems the mind work, confusion and doubts arise to accompany such birth. For a while...

The heart plays a significant role in that all however. The heart - the centre of our life, soul, and potential to create the world we live in. And so when the mind is silenced, the heart takes over gently and quietly. It does not use loud words or arguments. It "just" makes us feel alive! Without words or thoughts, it tells the right from wrong. And we need to learn how to listen to that silence. Dreams are born of it!

"It is amazing thing about being human that we can feel something inside and then build it in the world. It seems we have this inborn need to love and create." Mark Nepo

            

Dreams always sprout in our hearts, from the seeds of love. If we water and nurture them, they take roots and outgrow our whole being, emerging through us to our reality and become a physical part of it. And sometimes, they even reach others so we can sow the seeds of love in them too. 

On Enthusiasm

“I wept because I was re-experiencing the enthusiasm of my childhood; I was once again a child, and nothing in the world could cause me harm.” 

Paulo Coelho, The Pilgrimage

A few days ago I wrote down a sentence in my journal; 

     "I don't have more answers than before but I do have more understanding and clarity."

What kind of understanding and clarity? You could ask. I would probably disappoint you with no answer to that either. However, the difference is that it is no longer frustration for me. It is no longer a driving force for me, collecting answers in my shelf. I can continue in this journey, exploring, discovering, and creating out of the pure enthusiasm without the need to follow "my own preordered plan for the life".

It is a nice blend of a free will to continue and grow, willingness to take risks and learn, and surrendering to the God's will and plan.

If I was to define enthusiasm, I would most likely say it is a decision and practice of surrendering to the beauty and love that surround us at any given moment wherever we are. It is the world seen through children's eyes.

Originally, the word has a Greek root, en - one with, and theos - the divine.

That would mean that everytime you feel enthusiastic (joyous, inspired, excited, eager, ...alive!), you are one with the divine and from that place you can see the world as it really is.

And yes, it is a decision and a practice because our own free will tries to make sense and reason almost any of our endeavors.

Feeling enthusiastic is thus the rememberance of our Home!

...and sometimes that can be a bit tricky as well. Especially when we try too hard to "remember" more, when we try to recreate those "same" moments of bliss, when we look back instead of to the present moment.

"As such, enthusiasm is not a mood that can be willed or forced. Rather, it is the ripple that follows the stone. It can be felt after we immerse ourselves in life." Mark Nepo

Whenever I felt the lack of enthusiasm in my life, it was because I was looking for a way to throw that stone to water myself. 

It is the same as asking yourself a question "What is my life's purpose?" and expecting the answer as specific as the question you ask.

"Start with a table of leg. Give it your full attention and love. Polish it, paint it, look at it as the leg of a table, not the table it might be one day. Then, when you feel you are done, move on to the next part and do the same. The whole universe will work with you on the table, you work on the leg first though."

a dear friend of mine said when I asked her how to start...

"I already learned to walk every day in gratitude, giving thanks for the blessings on their way and keeping my heart and eyes open to notice them in whatever way they presented themselves to me. You know, miracles do happen! We just miss them sometimes looking for what we expect." Camino Called Life

On meeting another

"How strange!" I thought to myself but I knew I could use their company for the rest of the day. Jeremy was in a lot of pain but they wanted to make it just a bit farther that day too. And I like to think I came there to join them with a new portion of energy to make it through.

No interaction is ever one sided. We meet people because they can give us something we need at that time just as much they need something we have and can share with them. And that happens without us being aware of it. 

And sometimes we need more of their company and teaching and that's why we come back to them!

                                                                                                                 Camino Called Life

I went out with friends this weekend and noticed one thing. Meeting another person brings out different reaction in everyone. What someone may find insulting, the other won't even notice. What one person says may be translated differently even if they all use the same language. What other person does might just as well go unnoticed despite the importance of the act. What happens inside of those involved in the meeting? And why is that reaction so different sometimes?

When I was walking the Camino, I always started a day with a prayer asking for my heart to be open, aware, able to notice and understand what I need to understand and what the other person needs to communicate, with or without words. And I keep praying the same prayer since then. 

There is more to communication than words and more to meeting another than communication. 

Rudolf Steiner talks about how we can approach and meet another so that both can grow and benefit from the meeting. He explains the difference between sympathy, antipathy, and empathy. And it is more than liking or disliking another person.

Sympathy as Steiner explains is letting ourselves "fall asleep" in order to allow the other cross the boundaries. It blurs what we perceive as a separation but also our self-awareness.

Antipathy lies in recognizing those boundaries, the separation, and brings the possibility of self-awareness, understanding of the self as well as sense of freedom.

One is about "loosing oneself" while the other is "closing off from the outer world". 

"In meetings between people there is a constant oscillation between sympathy and antipathy which is almost beyond our control. It is perhaps as little under our control as our breathing process. We "sleep into the other" and reawaken to ourselves in rapid succession and alteration." Rudolf Steiner

Empathy lies in between - in our willingness to fall asleep just enough for the other to reach towards us but giving them a gift of meeting us as we are and with what we have to offer.

 "empathy is almost a non-power - the non-power of the consciousness-soul. It is the outcome of the meditative path - the way leading into the landscape of the other person, into his sanctuary....." Rudolf Steiner

Communion is always a blessing. Its taste may differ from person to person but it always carries the power and potential to enrich those involved in it.

“True communication is communion- the realization of oneness, which is love.” Eckhart Tolle

On shadow work

Try this with your partner, friends or a teenage child. Stand up, reach up for their hands, your palms wide open, but don't touch them. Just stand with your hands almost touching between you. The task is to move your hands and let the other follow your moves, pace, direction.

After a while change the roles, let them lead. 

How does it feel to be in control? How is it when you have to follow not knowing what to expect?

This is the kind of exercise we did on the workshop called Boundaries Between Us last week in England. And this was the first time I realized how uncomfortable I feel not knowing, not being in control, in charge of choices. 

I had to admit (willing or not) that I am a leader, sometimes bossy and even manipulative. I am good at that. 

And that's all true despite my deepest desire to please others, help them, let them grow in their own ways. 

"So what's the problem?" You might ask. The problem is I didn't want to admit this to myself in the first place. Sometime in the past I must have convinced myself that it is not right this way, that it shouldn't be like that.

Jung would say I had formed a shadow then.

"Filling the conscious mind with ideal conceptions is a characteristic of Western theosophy, but not the confrontation with the shadow and the world of darkness. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious." Jung 

 

Still deeply touched by the experiences from last week, I decided to dig deeper and do a little bit of shadow work. Shining a light on the shadows I ignored and overlooked all those years. 

Jung says that what we repress comes back to us through people we meet, their behavior and characteristics that annoy or irritate us most. I looked back at the most significant relationships I had (have) and found similarities. 

What did I find? Passivity, insecurity, undecisiveness, aloofness, lack of commitment and persistence!

I was forced to take the lead, to decide, to control, to commit!

But this is not the end of the work. This is not the solution, it is just seeing the things as they are, acknowledgement and acceptance.

What I repressed long time ago was my own aloofness, detachment, undecisiveness and ability (willingness) to simply follow and let go!

I need to learn and become comfortable with unknown, unexpected, not planned.

"The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge." Jung 

If you want to try shadow work too. Here is a way to start. It might (and should) take you much deeper though. Do not judge yourself, accept yourself as you are (as opposed to "who you should be") and finally look for the positive qualities it can bring into your life (because it does!).

1. What characteristics do I find annoying/irritating/frustrating on others?

2. What might others find irritating/annoying about me?

3. What would I be like if I had some of the characteristics from question #1?

4. How can I love myself with those characteristics more?

I am safe wherever I am. I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I can trust!

On challenge

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

Marianne Williamson 

I am at the airport hotel tonight still helplessly and gratefully lost in the week I spent here in England, trying to understand the life and boundaries, form and freedom. What I experienced here at Lifeways deserves one whole post (at least) but firstly I need to spend some time with it alone.

Too tired I will only share my epiphany from yesterday!

Deep inside, my soul knows what it came here to experience and share. Deep inside, I am aware of my gifts and talents, my shadows and power too. Deep inside, I know what my challenge here is.

Sometime ago I wrote (and I still believe it is true in that way) that our passions are not random, they are our calling, purpose in life. This week I came to realize that our passions can also be what we mastered many lives ago and can use for the growth now. Passion does not necessarily have to be difficult to achieve. 

Challenge is in the way we use the passion for the purpose we have.

 A few years ago my friend asked me what it is I am running away from. "Nothing, I am not running away from anything." I said and I convinced myself as well. 

When I feel restless, uneasy, stuck or lost, I travel!

Yes, I leave and run away. Travelling is easy for me. Staying is a challenge. And I kept avoiding it until now. 

Whatever the purpose is, it needs to bear fruits for others as well. I didn't give my roots chance to grow deep and strong. 

                                             Happiness is homemade!