In my bed, I suddenly felt that overwhelming sadness welling up from the very core of my being. For that moment, too brief to be measured, I was drowning in the darkness and deep realization was at the bottom.
What I am looking for, the One I am missing so deeply can't be found here in this world.
And for the first and only time in my life I was really homesick.
That emptiness, aloneness, abandonment was filled many weeks later when unexpectedly a wave of unconditional love penetrated every single cell of my body and my soul remembered...for a brief moment only but it was enough to remember my way home.
"That morning in a beautiful hotel room when I collapsed, when all the pain from my aimless wandering, illusion and dirt came out, it was then when she looked at me. She looked at me, heartbroken and betrayed with tears rolling down her cheeks and she picked me up." He said.
"Come on, let's go! It's going to be ok. I love you!" She said and took him by his hand.
"That day, that morning in that beautiful hotel room when I collapsed I saw Christ in her eyes." He continued.
"Something in your eyes and your expression...it felt like home." She heard again much later.
"Home is where one starts from." T.S.Eliot
Christ is born in the void and it is grace itself which makes the void. "So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing." (T.S.Eliot) And where there was a wasteland, a new home is built for others to find comfort in, to remember the way.
The home I seek is in everyone, I just forgot to look for it there. Eyes of others are our waymark back home. The home I seek is in me and you, in every one of us. We just forgot it mirrors in the eyes we look into in every encounter. The same eyes that reflect our own image.
"As I looked at each person, my self shone forth from their eyes. How did I get into all these bodies? I wondered." D.R.Hawkins
(Spirit house from lilichristensen.com)
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