On vulnerability

Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.

Thich Nhat Hanh

How much are you comfortable in your body, in your skin, with your thoughts or feeling your feelings when they arise? How much honesty is enough? How much do you let others see/know you? How much are you in love with yourself? And maybe you don't even think it is safe or right to love yourself, to be yourself, open and honest, because people could judge you or misunderstand your intentions, what's worse, you could be rejected! 

And so, you can choose to conform.

You may have already heard that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience but spiritual beings have a temporary human experience. If you believe that than you have to believe we are all one in our essence. We came from the One and carry a memory of it in our hearts and the moment we are born into the world that teaches us through separation and duality, all we strive for is belonging!

We may think that conforming to what others want is a way to such experience of belonging but I think it takes us too far from that in fact. 

First of all, we can never know for sure what the other person wants or desires. Second, others may not know clearly what they want and can change it at any moment. Thirdly, choosing to conform we move even farther from the memory of oneness we had when we were born because we turn our attention from what is inside of us to what is in the outer world and we let ourselves be led by our assumptions only.

Conformity seems safer but we get numb and forget, vulnerability is risky but it is a way to remember.

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” Brene Brown

I got a clear message, Strive for Truth, and I knew I had to listen to it in order to heal. Seeing the same message twice in a short time brought me a relief but at the same time a painful question what the truth actually is!

So I asked for help, guidance and answers. Gary Zukav wrote in his book The Seat of Soul that everytime you ask for an answer, it will come. Always! Though not always in a form you expect. 

My answer came as well but certainly not in a form I expected. I asked a question, I used the words but the answer came in the form of my own will and actions. How strange, I know!

My intention and feeling were aligned and very clear, I wanted to know the truth, follow it and understand it! But I didn't know the way.

Sometimes not knowing anything makes you a better student, more willing let the Divine take the lead, more open to opportunities and transformation, more eager to explore, and more likely to discover.

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness." Brene Brown

And so what was the answer I received? I found it coming from within. It comes again and again and it is always my choice to recognize and accept it. It can be an honest answer I choose to give, a decision not to react from fear or anger but with patience or compassion, it is acknowledging that I, too, can be scared and afraid but not having to be paralyzed by it. Today, it was saying enough when I had enough, but not with anger. Yesterday, it was saying I love you when I knew I wouldn't get the same response. I didn't say enough because I didn't want to deal with the other person, I said it because I knew I wouldn't be true if it continued. I didn't say I love you to get the same response, to get approval, but because I knew it is true and the other person deserves it.

And this is important, I believe, be yourself, be authentic, learn what it means for you to be authentic today and what it will mean tomorrow. It can change, you can change, it is natural and it is life. In accepting uncertainty your freedom lies.

But behind it all, always remember that memory, the memory of oneness you came from, the memory that is your primal drive and force striving for connection with others (and yourself). With that memory in mind and in heart, don't surrender to illusions, fears. Do your best now to do what love would do. And then tomorrow, do your best again, with love. 

Being vulnerable is like building a bridge over the river. It is a hard work, it is risky. The rain and strong wind may struck you down many times, you may end up in cold waters, even break your bones but you know there is plenty of sunshine as well, and beautiful rainbows and butterflies and birds and the other side of the river! And most of all you know it is not about something on that other side that you long for, it is that connection that you want to experience, building the bridge. Because sometimes we have others on "our side of the river" but still feel disconnected from them.

Pick a good attitude! You may get others to start building on the other side to meet you in between! 

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing 
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there." Rumi