Sunday 28 December 2014

On Choice

There are three dreams of mine that tested my patience and perserverance. I thought I was very clear in my intention but there was clearly something that kept me from living those dreams.

I don't want to write only about the law of attraction or manifestations. Sure, there is a connection but also much more important lesson I was blessed to learn along the way. 

What is so important is what brought light into my journey recently, something that I could say have made a difference in my life this recent year.

"Your words today and all this reminds me of what you wrote on the little
note you wrote for me, the one I carried with me on the Camino and still have in my wallet now, the one with the sentence that reminds
me that "you can walk towards love" again and again each day. This is a choice we make when we say "yes"
He wrote me in a message.

Love never ceases! And you can choose to walk towards it, spread it no matter what, if the other person wants to join you or not! 

"It is impossible to conceive of light and darkness or everything and nothing as joint possibilities. It is essential that you realize that your thinking will be erratic until a firm commitment to one or the other is made.
Whenever light enters darkness, the darkness is abolished.
You prefer to believe that your thoughts cannot exert real influence because you are actually afraid of them. There are no idle thoughts. All thinking produces form at some level." A Course in Miracles

My dreams could not manifest because there is something even more powerful than the thought we hold. It is the feeling! And if those two, intent and feeling, are not in alignment, feeling creates!
I couldn't experience what I desired most because deep down there were the feelings of guilt, frustrations, and fear. And it took me a couple years to dig deep enough to become aware of what was actually creating my reality and experience. All those years I chose to experience confusion and fear.

Would I change all that? No! Now I can choose to experience and create consciously instead of creating abundantly but without awareness and control. Now I can choose to be harmony, joy, and inspiration because time is relative and your dream comes true the moment you embody it fully!

"Both miracles and fear come from thoughts." A Course in Miracles

It is not only about manifesting your dreams. It is about the choice you make in life, the choice to believe in love or fear. And what you choose is what you share with the world, it is what others see in you but also what you see in others and strengthen in them as well.

"Everyone can answer for themselves whether wanting a better life makes what already is better. Make a wish and watch your own state and your own emotions. Does it make you feel at peace? Does it feel like you want to shout into the world, "thank you dear God, thank you!”? 
You have just got it if it does!
Gratitude isn't about settling. In fact, never settle. Be amazed, always. But stop wanting. The whole world wants so much that it creates the energy of not having enough when there is plenty!
So ask, enjoy the joy you brought into the world at this moment, and move on with whatever you do or have." Camino Called Life


Have a wonderful new year and if you do want to make a wish, take your time to feel it in your heart and instead of waiting for it, be grateful and shower those around you with love!

...just because you are blessed already!





Sunday 21 December 2014

On Home

There was a time in my life when I was left homeless, literally! One summer I was flying back "home" just to find my whole life in a few boxes. It hurt! It did but at the same time, it was just a little scratch compared to another moment much later when I woke up in the middle of the night.
In my bed, I suddenly felt that overwhelming sadness welling up from the very core of my being. For that moment, too brief to be measured, I was drowning in the darkness and deep realization was at the bottom.
What I am looking for, the One I am missing so deeply can't be found here in this world. 
And for the first and only time in my life I was really homesick.

That emptiness, aloneness, abandonment was filled many weeks later when unexpectedly a wave of unconditional love penetrated every single cell of my body and my soul remembered...for a brief moment only but it was enough to remember my way home.

"That morning in a beautiful hotel room when I collapsed, when all the pain from my aimless wandering, illusion and dirt came out, it was then when she looked at me. She looked at me, heartbroken and betrayed with tears rolling down her cheeks and she picked me up." He said.

"Come on, let's go! It's going to be ok. I love you!" She said and took him by his hand.

"That day, that morning in that beautiful hotel room when I collapsed I saw Christ in her eyes." He continued.
"Something in your eyes and your expression...it felt like home." She heard again much later.

                            "Home is where one starts from." T.S.Eliot

Christ is born in the void and it is grace itself which makes the void. "So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing." (T.S.Eliot) And where there was a wasteland, a new home is built for others to find comfort in, to remember the way.
The home I seek is in everyone, I just forgot to look for it there. Eyes of others are our waymark back home. The home I seek is in me and you, in every one of us. We just forgot it mirrors in the eyes we look into in every encounter. The same eyes that reflect our own image.

"As I looked at each person, my self shone forth from their eyes. How did I get into all these bodies? I wondered." D.R.Hawkins


(Spirit house from lilichristensen.com)







 

Sunday 14 December 2014

On the void

"When I asked you before some lessons you had become aware of, they were answered in your writing.  I think you experienced and described some spiritual truths perfectly." He told me after reading my book. 
"They weren't lost on me. You didn't mention if you found out your purpose." He added after a while but I left it there. Something like that should be easy to answer, I thought.


"Many people who are going through the early stages of the awakening process are no longer certain what their outer purpose is. What drives the world no longer drives them. Seeing the madness of our civilization so clearly, they may feel somewhat alienated from the culture around them. Some feel that they inhabit a no-man’s-land between two worlds. They are no longer run by the ego, yet the arising awareness has not yet become fully integrated into their lives. Inner and outer purpose have not merged." E.Tolle


Why is the third advent candle pink? Why is the third advent Sunday about joy when we still have to wait for the light to be born into the world? 
Someone told me once that there is an answer hidden in a good question and this seems to be just another example of that as well. We need to be reminded of joy and light when the darkness is most present in our lives, when we still have to wait for the light to be born, when it feels like there is no end to the tunnel we are going through. That's the time we need the joy, the memory of the light most of all.

"Being the character of your own movie, you may easily miss the bigger picture of the story unfolding around you. Life is a constant change but it is not just some random, unpredictable transformation. It is more of an evolution, a process. Thoughts, understanding, and feelings were slowly changing and evolving within me and it was just a matter of time until I would be ready to take the step into a new chapter, walk through another door, and experience a breath of fresh air again. But that single step is usually the most difficult one, the step just before we reach the handle of the new door, the moment when we are left with empty open hands, vulnerable, and in flux. The good thing about being in such a situation is that if you are alert enough you can actually witness the incredible way in which the world has opened up for you and works for you." Camino Called Life

It does not feel comfortable when one has to experience the void. It literally strips off every layer left from the world you are leaving and for a while it leaves you naked, vulnerable and innocent again. For a moment you may feel like you want to keep just a bit of what worked before, just enough to make it through, just enough to feel like you can still belong somewhere. 
You are being born again and just like a new born baby, your innate need to belong somewhere drives you to do whatever it takes to belong. 
The first problem in this birth is that your parents are within yourself, the only guide and teacher you can rely on and follow. You need to learn their names and trust them.
The second problem is that you still remember your life before and that means a lot of unlearning to be done.

"The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” John 3:8


But even there, in the void, is something incredibly precious, something why it all makes senses, something what can't be found anywhere else. These are the rare moments of clarity, innocence, and oneness with all, as above so below. Sure, they may be rare but even then they have the power to push you forward, closer to the edge, until one day, you will be ready to take yet another leap of faith.

"There is a light that shines in the darkness which is only visible there." Barbara Brown Taylor








Sunday 7 December 2014

On Treasure

"No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light." Luke 11:33

Peter told me about his thoughts to adopt another child. His two daughters are grown up and soon they will leave the nest. It is very likely there won't be as much need to look after them as before. And I thought why is it that now, when he can do anything he couldn't in the past, he would rather go back and do it all again. And don't get me wrong, raising a child is a miracle and blessing. Look for the message behind the story though!

It is not very easy to write about what I want to share this week. The topic, treasure, is a beautiful one but it may be a bit radical perspective I am about to share....and quite easily misunderstood in the midst of emotions. I will use this story as an example.

Don't love others because you need them. Need them because you love them!

" it fulfills me, gives me a sense of purpose and meaning. And I give them so much as well!" Peter tried to explain the reason behind his decision. 
"So you need them to give you a sense of purpose? You need them to fulfill your needs?" I said. He knew the same happened with his love interest. All he wanted was to look after her, take care of her and when she explained what she really needed, space, he got anxious and old fears creeped in again. 
"If looking after someone, taking care of them is what fulfills you most, then why do you need approval? Or is it your need to get it back that keeps you hopeful of fulfillment?" I said and mostly just talked out loud, saying the things I might need to learn myself too.

Don't love others because you need them. Need them because you love them! 

Think about it for a little longer, give it one more moment to unfold in front of your eyes. 
What if we find the treasure that fulfills our existence and then, just then, the need to give it to others arises?
What if we embark upon the journey of searching for that treasure instead of imposing the responsibility for it on others?
What if what we find, what fulfills us, will be a light on the road for others as well?


Wouldn't it be worth to go on that adventure then?

"A child would come to you, again, with a treasure they carry. All children remember their treasures! So the child comes, fulfills you and you unconsciously steal it from them. Sure, you look after the child so inevitable you give back part of that. But think about it, unless you find (remember) yours, you can only take from others. Even though it looks like giving to ordinary sight. And imagine a relationship where two beings who remember and carry their treasures meet!" I continued

"But where is my treasure?" He asked. He asked the most profound question he possibly could.
"I don't know." I said. "But that's where you can start. You have a question, that's more than enough to start with."

Ask yourself this one simple question every day. Make it your habit, your daily routine. And for now, stop there. Don't try to look for the answers, don't analyze, don't blame, don't make excuses. Just ask!

Be comfortable with a question because you may never get your answer. At least not in a way we expect it most of the times. As life is a journey, your answer is in searching, the quest you came here for. You came here so that the God can experience him/herself in your quest. And that treasure will light up like a lamp visible to others, guiding others, nurturing your own soul and God. God depends on you and your quest to be expressed and realized.

So yes, the question is sufficient. Don't worry about the next step unless you take that first one.

The treasure is the gift we receive but it is for others, it liberates others. To liberate ourselves, we need others and their gifts. I thought I walked the Camino to free myself, heal myself. The truth is, I got a gift to free and heal one person that needed it most from me. I needed him because I carried a gift of love and healing for him, I needed him to give it to him. 
And I needed him to walk the Camino for me. He, too, was blessed with a gift there, a gift that freed and healed me back.
The quest you take, the journey of searching, the question you ask is enough to fill you full of love. And the answer will be a gift only those who need it most can recognize and take from you.

                                                Where is my treasure?