Saturday, 21 March 2015

The only sin and the only reason to die

"Can you be just happy?! Happy to death, literally! To say one day that you died of happiness!"

Start anew, happy, and let yourself die 
a little everytime 
sadness and fears come, get through
the cracks of your brokenness and frailty;
Die a little
Be born again,
happy and without past!

Was the death on the cross so small
that you chose to sin 
against yourself anyway?

Just be fucking happy!
And if it upsets the world, well done!
You needed that slap in the face 
once too.

Why do you want something
you already have,
and don't want something
that is not!

Sunday, 8 March 2015

On Diving in

"You see, Vladka, the truths are nothing unless you can apply them." He told me. He didn't even know all the details of what I was going through and yet, he totally nailed it! All that I had been working on for three years, I mastered. But I was the master of a theory and that's not enough, that's not why we came here in the first place. Mastering the theory is like remembering the truth but we came here to experience it, to choose it and be it! We know it all already anyway, just forgot it for a while.

"You don't manifest what you want, you manifest what you are." 

A whole lot has been written and said about the art of manifestation and creation. Steps are easy to find, easy to follow. Be clear, set the intention, feel it, believe it, chill...and finally?! Accept and choose your choice and creation! 
All that before, from being clear about your goal to letting it go, is actually just a theory even though it requires hard work. The beingness of it comes with willingness to accept your own creation, the choice to be it despite the opposition and despite your own past self.

Testing the waters is safe, it can give us confidence and partial experience but it can only serve us partially as well. Jumping in the water is a full experience, diving into it is a full experience and yes, it is risky. We totally risk getting what we wanted all the time! It is a difference between recognising the spark inside yourself and seeing it as a seed of God, and knowing yourself as God, it is a difference between seeking the love outside, and being the love with its infinite potential.

Strive for the truth! The same message again. I asked again and again what the truth I should be striving for is and I expected yet another piece of information to follow, a piece of universal wisdom or knowledge to memorize. 
The truth, however, goes beyond knowingness. It is in being, in choice and most importantly in a choice to accept, dive in, and be...transformed once again!

Sunday, 1 March 2015

On drawing the line

The beaches of North Norfolk are stunning! Wild and enchanting with cold, harsh winds blowing from the sea, playing with the tall grass in tune with the songs of birds nesting in the marshes! 
And at the same time, that same beauty is in a constant "danger" of slowly disappearing in the sea with every high tide that takes the sand and dunes away.
That's life though! And the proof that it is still alive, the world we live in, no matter how constant it may appear.

How often have I talked and written about the necessity to leave something behind in order to be able to reach out for something new. How often was I put in a situation where I needed to leave something behind, let go, and move on. And how often have I refused to burn the bridges just because...

...well, the truth I realized today is that I didn't burn the bridges in the past because I wanted a way back, just in case, an escape button for my life, maybe I wanted to be "a good girl" for everyone, for those I left behind as well as for all those I was just about to meet and greet in my life. 
I could say I was a chronic "people pleaser", a coward who hides behind a smile and friendliness even though my intention was just not to hurt anyone around. That intention was there always, that's how much I know for sure! 
However, what I forgot was the fact that it's not only dishonest but keeps me stuck and defined by my past.

It was on one of those beach walks when I thought about all that sand taken away. We grieve for it being taken away and we even try to stop that but there is a new island somewhere else being formed at the same time! 
Nothing in the nature disappears! And nothing is the same as it was before so why do we keep defining ourselves by who we were in the past?!

A wise elder lady told me today that I can't have love I desire and fear it at the same time.
I simply have to choose one! I have to choose one and act accordingly. 

"Make up your mind", she said, with a gentle smile on her face and firmness in her voice! She was clear about that, there was nothing to discuss.

So what do you choose when you finally face your dream, when you are no longer settling for less than you deserve? Are you willing to burn the bridges with the past, close the doors behind painful experiences, and forget the image you had about yourself in the past?! What is the real price you would have to pay? What is the worst thing that could happen? What is the best thing that could happen? 

What would love do now? 

There comes a moment when being ready is simply not enough any more, a step forward has to be taken! A step forward, leaving the bridges and doors behind! Have faith, there was a new island being formed for you all along the way, you just need to leave the beach behind.