Saturday, 19 July 2014

On honesty

What is honesty? Speaking ... truth? A truth or the truth? Do I truly know the difference? 
Could it be that the honesty is living - speaking, thinking, acting - from the place of love

It is said that if you think, speak, and act from this place within, people are irresistibly drawn to you. It does not necessarily mean they like you or agree with you. Quite the opposite, honesty can have very sharp edges and cut right through the "flesh". Honesty, however, brings people together, heals, and liberates just as much.

The wrong idea we still carry about honesty is that it is all about telling one another "the truth", expressing our own opinions, being assertive when it comes to our own needs and expectations. Sure, it is a part of that but there is much more left unnoticed.

Honesty, the living from the place of love, knows no other destination than the heart of the other.  Honesty is uncovering, healing, and connecting...of hearts.

And it always starts with you! It is up to you to uncover what you have been hiding, to heal the pain and discomfort, to connect without the need to claim the connection from others. All that happens in your own heart and no one needs to know about that. You don't have to tell anyone, you don't have to explain anything or change anything you do on a daily basis. The change will follow most likely but it is not the initial step you need to take. Change will take care of itself!

It was the second day we didn't have to walk, Sunday, May 19th 2013, and we were staying at my friend's place in Santiago de Compostella. I knew I would be walking again on Monday. I told Peter that my "temple" is waiting for me by the ocean. I was also hoping I wouldn't have to walk there alone and yes, I wanted Peter to keep me company on my way. I felt comfortable with him and he still had something to teach me...

"I am all for honesty in relationships but there are times when you need to tell a white lie anyway." I told him when we had one of those lengthy philosophical discussions about life and stuff.
"Why would you need to tell a white lie?" He replied.
Until then I had my reasons, my experiences, and wounds that made me think that white lies are inevitable and even helpful from time to time. But now, I was not so sure anymore. In fact, I suddenly saw how an important lesson he had to teach me there.
"Whatever it is you have to say, when you have to say it, when you know it can hurt the other person, start with what's more important than anything else you are about to say. Start with I love you. It makes all the difference." He said finally. 

It makes all the difference!

Dr. Sue Johnson talks and writes about a reason people get divorced, the number one reason relationships don't last. She says that it is all about losing the connection and about that deep longing for the connection at the same time. We feel lonely in relationships way too often! 
We feel lonely because we are not honest with our own hearts and with others.

"You want to take me to a movie? I asked.
Well, not really," he said. "What I really want is for you to be my girlfriend. But I thought saying that might scare you off." 
Sarah Dessen - from the book What Happened to Goodbye

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