Well, days like that happen too and the only thing I can do, the only thing I could do at that moment was to accept it as it was and is.
Is that a failure? I saw it like that for a while. I saw it as me failing to follow through with my commitment to write regularly. But that perception lasted just a little while. A little while until I realized and remembered I did my best at that moment! Maybe I would do things differently now but then, at that moment I did all I could.
If you have read the book called Four Agreements then you may remember but that one of them is "do you best".
"Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy and when you are sick. Under any circumstances simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret."
Over the last two weeks I had to remind myself how much work I have done so far, remember that, no matter how difficult times were, how challenging and tiring the journey is sometimes. Old fears and insecurities came to the surface once more and I could choose to create anew or react like I did before. React like I did when it was all I could do and it was my best then! I always did my best. I am who I am as a result of that and all I can do now, right now, is to accept it, accept myself! Am I englightened? Perfect? Finished piece of work? Certainly not! But I know now, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, with all the imperfections and wounds to teach me about acceptance. And every time I make a conscious choice to accept myself as I am at any moment, I am closer to accepting others as well. It simply doesn't work the other way round!
Love thrives in a sanctuary called acceptance!
And where does it all start? It is not knowing, not understanding, or enjoying someone that is the starting point! It all starts with acceptance. And we all can start right where we are with the person closest to us, ourselves!
Dear God, please help me to believe the truth about myself...no matter how beautiful it is." Macrina Wiederkehr