The first and most important realization to start with is "being yourself, who you are truly and unapologetically and what you can build from that."
The time of silence is of immense value to find the answer to that. And so is the time spent alone. It is not always easy to face our true nature, our mind and soul, and accept it as it is, dark as much as bright, powerful as well as weak. Accept, embrace, and release all that was left unnoticed, what you were scared of, what you rejected.
It doesn't mean we start acting upon any feeling that arises within, manifest the darkness we all experienced. But rather, look for ways to build a path into the light, realize that we are not our feelings and regoznise our power over them, listen to their message but do not impose them on others.
And then, when you remember who you are, look at your relationships again, anew!
Here comes another challenge, temptation. As Gary Douglas says "don't divorce yourself just because you are in a relationship with another person."
Or else, what would you build from?
What is the purpose of any relationship, be it friendship, parenting, marriage?
Try to answer this question for yourself and examine again how much yourself is in it, how much you allow yourself to contribute to the creation that comes from relationships.
First of all, I see any form of relationship as a mean of creation on earth. We need to experience oneness, merge opposites and all their qualities to create something new. When we approach creation from the place of lack what comes to life?
A true friendship is about empowering the strengths we hold. A conscious parenting is about guidance towards full potential. Marriage of souls is a journey of seeing each other in what appears to be dual.
So what is the purpose of relationship? Surely not completion, filling the emptiness, competition. It is not about seeing myself in the eyes of another but more about seeing the creation in the eyes of the other. It is not putting yourself in front of another, nor diminishing oneself.
Relationship mantra: "Let me be me and you be you. And together create something new in this world, something as true, complete, and honest as we are in it."
"If only you are lucky to find the person whose eyes are your home, with no restrictions or conditions. You walk together and offer healing to each other without knowing it. With only that, with that much, you walk every day through life to wherever your place is, and each one is free to walk their own path." Camino Called Life
Hmmm, I've always thought 'relationships' is my weak area. No, it seems it's not. Thanks Vladka :)
ReplyDeleteVladka, a beautiful post. Thanks for reminding me of lines from Kahlil Gibran.
ReplyDeleteBut let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Thank you, Vladka. This writing came to me at just the right time, when I needed exactly these lines without knowing it.
ReplyDeleteThere are many phrases and ideas that resonate with me in my current state very strongly. Embracing the dark part, the parts of me that displease and annoy me, is one of them. Another is not imposing the feelings on others but rather listening to their message, this is what I"m battling with. But this morning thanks to reading this I've come out with fewer wounds.
I read and reread the mantra you have up there, and "let me be me" is the hardest start to that.
Vladka, thank you so much for such a wonderful post! It beathes of peace and serenity!
ReplyDeleteThis peace of mind and self-acceptence is so much needed now, especially for those who are caught in the whirlwind of hectic life. I remember the time when I was extremely busy working - there was never a minute when I could be on my own - I was always with people responding, reacting, explaining, teaching, listening, understanding, overreacting, feeling annoyed and so on. But then I realised that living the life like this was making me shallow to the point that I even didn't remember who I was and what I was. That was the moment when I decided to stop working this hard and devote some time to myself. And though my life now is much richer than it used to be, I feel I still need to learn how to spend my me-moments more meaningfully and how to do this inner work you are talking about.
I also hope that the purposeful relationships you are describing here are the ones you have found and enjoy in your life now! I think the relationships like these are the ideal relationship, the ones we all can only dream of. But how many of us can say that they have found their soulmates? How many of us have ever thought of the purpose and meaning of relationships?
Dear Sasha, do you want to know the answer? Yes, I am and also no, I am not in these relationships. I experienced them, learned from them and I am so grateful for them all.
DeleteThese are not relationships you can only dream of, these are as real as you decide to believe in! And about soulmates, forget the illusion we have been given about such relationship. I met my soulmate and it was the most difficult, darkest time of my life...and I am so grateful for that too! Soulmate is not a prince on a white horse, they are your mirror with sharpest edges.
Please no matter what never forget that love is perfect as it is and loving yourself is a start...and that goes way beyond knowing and loving what you can see.
"Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." The Little Prince
Dear Vladka, your words about the "darkest time" you had when you met your soulmate were a bit of surprise to me. But I think I understand what you mean. No one is perfect and a souldmate is not a cure for our weakness, loneliness or any other unhappy aspects of our lives. I don't think I have ever met a soulmate. But does it really matter, after all?
DeleteI was just coming back home and thinking about your post, about my response to you and stuff. And I just thought to myself: perhaps what really matters is becoming your own soulmate.
Dear Vladka,
ReplyDeleteJust when I needed the most. When we finally decide to walk our own "camino", we are necessarily left alone, or we search for that loneliness. I am walking it, still quite lonely maybe more lonely. Friends are not here anymore, "let me be me" is so powerful that if we dare cross that line, we leave people behind.
And yes, I still feel lonely but I don't want to go backwards. Though sometimes I miss my innocence. And I won't give up, because right now I see some are walking this camino.
Thanks Vladka,
Dear Debbie, thank you for your beautiful and sincere words! I am so glad to hear from you! I so understand your feeling of loneliness but let me tell you, please, it does not exist. And soon, you will find out for yourself that you are never alone. Hardships and difficulties are part of the journey, so important as well but they always take us somewhere greater than we were before, always!
DeleteI will be here for you if you want to share more of your journey and in fact, I would love to send you my book as it seems the timing is good at this point on your Camino. Let me know, email me chalyova@me.com
Love and light!
Hello Vlaďka, I´m really happy to see the powerful seeds of the Camino growing through this blog! I find especially strong what you say about the difficulty of accepting our true nature, with all the less shiny sides. As you say, accepting them and transforming them into new possibilities is a rewarding challenge!
ReplyDelete