Fill our hearts with light, forgiveness, because what was done, was done, and we carry but a memory of it. May we forgive those whose best was not enough for us and ask for forgiveness in times when our best is not enough for others.
I wanted to write about forgiveness for quite some time but I always ended up writing about something else. Not because there is not enough to write about but because there was always too much to write about it and still too much to learn.
In fact, my whole journey has started with my strong longing to be forgiven. In my posts I have never been that far in the past but for today, it is where I'll start.
He was in all of my prayers, the man I gave my promise to grow old with. Every single one of them! I left. I was the one who packed the suitcase and left but I knew why and he didn't. That's why I prayed. No words or explanations would help him understand but I understood him and loved the heart I broke no matter what. Our paths went in different directions and I sacrificed mine. No, I didn't! I could have walked mine but I was not strong enough at that time to do that, with or without him by my side. So, I prayed every day after I had left and it was the same one sentence over and over again "I want him to be happy!" I don't even know if he was truly happy when we were together...
Three years later, I think I finally forgave myself for leaving. And I think he is happy.
What is forgiveness? A peace of mind, happiness, comfort? Yes, an act of forgiveness offers all of that but also much more.
Don't get me wrong but I believe that every true act of forgiveness changes something human in us to divine. We grow closer to what our souls would look like if they were visible in this world. And that's why in forgiveness there is much more than just a peace of mind or happiness.
I asked once what a damnation is and here is the answer I was given, " damnation is our inability to progress." And so asking what stops us from moving forward, what keeps us in the past or stuck is essential.
What keeps us in the past is what we hold on to. It is something we are not willing to release.
A Course in Miracles teaches us that forgiveness is acquired. It is not inherent in the mind, which cannot sin. As sin is an idea we taught ourselves, forgiveness must be learned as well. The unforgiving mind does not believe that giving and receiving are the same. And that perception changes everything.
A week ago, I was asked to take part in a ritual to forgive the mistakes that were done almost a century ago by a generation long forgotten. A friend of mine, turned what was perceived as a sin into love and light. A new generation offered forgiveness, created beauty.
This weekend, after I learned about the mistakes in my family, I offered forgiveness as well.
A conscious act is required, a step beyond a thought or an intention. That's forgiveness. It does ask something of us whether we ask for forgiveness or want to forgive others.
In my life, I both asked to be forgiven and prayed to be able to forgive. And everytime, what seemed almost impossible to achieve, became a miracle once I did something for it to happen. Forgiveness is a miracle! An awesome miracle you feel in every cell of your body. That's how I felt it everytime. It's almost like a spiritual shot of espresso that kicks you (and not only you) forward.
"I give you to the Holy Spirit as part of myself.
I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself.
In the name of my freedom I choose your release, because I recognize that we will be released together." A Course in Miracles